"When death smiles at us. All we can do is smile back." My 60 year old patient said as he paraphrased the movie, Gladiator, and flashed me a big grin.
Bill [named changed to protect his identity] had been sick most of his life. His list of diagnoses was a half mile long and consist of a variety of heart conditions, lung illnesses, and neurological disorders. I sat there listening to Bill as he told me joke after joke and funny story after funny story until I had tears rolling down my cheeks. After we managed to compose ourselves, Bill decided to lay some wisdom on this young girl.
"Laughter is the best medicine. If you can't laugh then you might as well be dead. There's always something good to look for."
I couldn't help but take a step back and get lost in my own thoughts: this man who has been in and out of the hospital all his adult life still manages to smile and find laughter in the everyday. And he was so kind to share it with me.
A lot of people tell me "I couldn't do what you do" referencing the fact that I work for hospice and am surrounded by death and dying. But I'll be perfectly honest, I love my job, but some days are harder than others. There are days that I may sit with a family for hours as they watch their loved one pass so they don't have to be alone. There are days where my heart breaks because their simply isn't enough resources or money to help everyone. There are days I come home from work, take a long hot shower to wash the day away, and fall asleep at 8pm because I'm emotionally exhausted. These days are few and far between, but do happen. At the end of the day, I am able to shut off my work phone, take off my name badge and be 'just Emily'.
But my patients can't do that. They will not heal, most won't get better, and the majority of them know they will die within months. Their illness and who they are are one and the same; they can't just stop being sick. And yet they continue to smile and share their stories with me; stories that make me smile, laugh, cry, and ponder. I am richly blessed because I do not work with people how are "just dying," but people who are living history books that enrich my life every day.
I'm not just a social worker. I am a story keeper, a comforter, a sweet smile, a friendly visitor. But most importantly. I am blessed.
