Today was an interesting day. A day where my original easy agenda got blown to smithereens when multiple people started having crises at once. *Sign* the life of a social worker. But today was a little different for me, it wasn't until I was able to come home and relax until I had the realization that I can 'semi-adult' and others believe I can to!
It started with one coworker, she stopped me to talk to me about the calling hours she had attended for a recently deceased patient. She conveyed the compliment that the family said I was a "very nice and mature young woman" as they recalled me spending four hours with them as their father/father-in-law took his final breaths. To be a part of that precious time for their family was such an honor, and to hear their gratefulness is wonderful.
Later on in the afternoon I spent my day working on an emergency admission which meant I spent a large chuck of time working with a family and answering lots of questions about hospice services. The family was very sassy but easy-going, maybe a little too easy-going at least for the son. The son of the patient was, to be perfect honest, a shameless flirt. Complimenting how I held my pen, pointing out that I didn't have a wedding band, offering to buy me a candy bar - all of which I professionally and politely brushed off. Later on at the office, I was explaining the experience to a coworker who just flat out told me, "Well, don't be so young and pretty!" and "Just don't shower next time!" all in good humor.
The day went on and I frantically moved from one situation to another. My work day ended at an after-hours family meeting to coordinate resources. I worked with the family, but also our chaplain and the patient's nurse who were also present. The chaplain made it a point to tell the family in front of me that "Emily is fairly new to our team, but she is amazing at gathering resources. She has this tenaciousness about her where she just dives right in and finds them." That compliment made my night.
After work, I managed to talk to a good friend for over an hour and a half. He is a sweet gentleman and we're both social workers, which allows us to have plenty in common to talk about. Even though we started out our friendship going on 'dates' to see if we'd be compatible romantically, we quickly found out that we are polar opposites in a many areas and decided to be explicit upfront that we were only interested in friendship. The conversation was not without it's smiles, with him saying that I am pretty with a bright smile and big eyes (which means a lot to someone that struggles with body image). But the even bigger compliment he paid me was this: "You have a way of making people comfortable; you're so easy to talk to....I've told you things I haven't even told friends I've known for years!" Such wonderful things to hear and to know!
Compliments, flirting, and praise...oh, my! I think as humans we crave affirmation and acknowledgement that we're doing alright. I mean, I am 24 years old, there are plenty of times I have to remind myself - 'you're an adult now, you have a caseload, responsibilities, you have to know what the hell you're doing!" But in reality, I don't know what I'm doing - and quite frankly, I don't think I'll ever really feel confident in 'adulting' or what it means to be a 'true adult' (whatever that is). I ask questions all the time, I admittedly answer 'I don't know, but I can find out for you" several times a day with patients and coworkers, and I clam up sometimes when more adult-ier adults defer to me for advice. I repeatedly think to myself "I can't do this...I don't know what I'm doing!...I'm only 24!...Who the hell let me 'adult' today?!" But then I bring myself back to reality, and give myself a little pep talk: "Yes, I'm 24. Yes, this is my first job. No, I don't have all the answers but then again, no one does. They wouldn't have hired you if they didn't think I could do this job and do it well. You're going great. Keep moving forward. You got this."
Many people think that after you graduate you got it all together, that you know where you're going in life and what you're doing; and maybe someday I'll have enough confidence to believe in my own capabilities to successfully 'adult' on a regular basis. But until then, I'll take the compliments and I'll take the praise. I'm building my self-confidence brick by brick until those self-doubts can't penetrate my being and my mind any longer. Yes, maybe I should have self confidence in myself right now, but I know I don't because I know myself so well, but I'll hopefully get there eventually.
But in the mean time, I'll give myself a little self-care and little pep talk and, in the words of the great Walt Disney: "Keep Moving Forward."
Well, I am glad you had a day in which your were complimented for both your beauty and your brains, as you have both in abundance. I hope you don't worry too much about "adulting." That will be coming by buckets in your social work profession, and instead, soon you will be working on letting yourself be free and childlike for relief! Really nice article!
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